I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
