After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
