you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
