I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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