some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
