The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
