every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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