Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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