Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
