What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
