Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
