Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sarcasm needs its own font
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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