I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize