Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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