yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
