i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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