Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think i have two assholes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
