I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
