I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
