I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
