I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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