If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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