Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
