I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
