my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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