dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
