White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do herpes really smell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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