That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
