Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
