if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
