he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
