My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
