I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
