Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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