Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
