You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
