i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
