When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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