Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
