he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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