Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i've created a new STD.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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