Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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