I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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