You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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