Do you still have your period?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
