.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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