what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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