I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
