dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
