Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The feeling are messing with the penis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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