Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
