8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
