Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
