Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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