i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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