Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
