they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you had me at cake vodka
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
