3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do vagina's smell?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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