Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
3pm strippers are depressing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
