KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
