Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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