Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
