You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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