I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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