the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
