I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His nipple licking is glorious
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