i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
