i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
