oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
