So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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