508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i love accidental penises.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
