just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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