i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
