i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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